How You Know You’re Living Too Close to the North Pole

Sunrise is at 4:57 a.m.

Sunset is at 8:58 p.m.

For those of you who are not mathematically inclined, that sunlight scenario provides me with approximately 8 hours of darkness. Oh, earth, you oblate spheroid, you know not what you do as you continue to let the sun pull you every which way. I am trying to get a decent night’s sleep after working my butt off all day, yet you remain a pushover with your intense orbital devotion.

Meanwhile, I spent January through April developing a sun allergy where I get grossly sunburned instead of golden-tanned and must wear sunglasses at the slightest suggestion of sun. I’m sure you can appreciate the cruel irony of my allergy reaching an all-time high just as the sun reaches its all-time high this year.

And that’s how you know you’re living too close to the North Pole.

Either that, or I’m becoming a vampire, which means it won’t be long before I regress to a pathetic state of male dependence and entirely lose my ability to act.

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2 responses to “How You Know You’re Living Too Close to the North Pole

  1. lol. I can’t believe the sun rises that early. You get to return to a normal dstance from the North Pole soon!!

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