Miss America: Series Finale

I miss:

Do you remember that awful song “How Do I Feel” by Hoku that came out in 5th grade? Well, I hope not, and I won’t punish you by posting a link to the music video, either. (Let’s just say it was also known as “The Burrito Song,” which is a more apt description. At first it seems like a good idea, but then you just end up with indigestion and anger at yourself for partaking.) To be fair, she also sang that song “Perfect Day” featured in the beginning of Legally Blonde, so I kind of love her despite myself.

Anyway, Hoku states at one point that “the thing that I miss the most is missing you.” Truer words have ne’er been spoken, particularly by peroxide blondes riding on the coattails of daddy’s fame. She doesn’t miss her ill-advised summer boy toy, and I don’t miss the United States. Sorry, America. I miss the three Fs: family, friends, and food, but not so much the f***ed up nation. Pardon my language.

My mother feared that this day would come, that I would someday abandon all hope of reforming my home country and expatriate faster than you can say “Sarah Palin 2012.” Well, mom, I promise I’ll return home, ’cause home remains where my heart is. And I promise to try my hardest to bring about the changes I most admire about Europe. As much as I will miss this place, the worst thing I could do would be to miss out on an opportunity to redefine my home place.

I don’t miss:

see above.

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2 responses to “Miss America: Series Finale

  1. I’m actually jealous that you hate America. sigh

    • Nooo! I don’t hate America, I just really like Europe. You’ll get there, m’dear, and if you don’t, I promise I’ll help make your return to American super-excellent.

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